“Howdy, parder!  Know where an ol’ cowpoke like myself could find a shave?

“Hey, I’m not so sure about the types I’ve been seeing on this wire lately…”

“What do you mean?”

“Well.. for one there’s a house up here!”

“That’s not right.  Houses are supposed to be on the ground!”

“You guys are so uneducated.  Don’t you know anything?  It’s a not just a house, it’s birdhouse!  Now you’ve hurt her feelings…”

“Well, here we are at another American holiday drinking again…”

“Yeah, but now it’s two drinking holidays at the same time!  Cinco De Mayo and Derby Day!”

“It’s so neat to see mariachi bands at the race track!  So festive!”

“Hey, is it really spelled “Mayo”.  Isn’t it “Maiyo” or something?”

“I’m not sure that it matters, really.  It’s just an excuse to drink more.”

“Hey, are we outta beer?”

“Can I get another Tequila Mint Julep, please?”

“You know, they probably shouldn’t let the horses drink…”

“Or eat Mexican food…”

“I LOVE CINCO DE DERBY’S DAY!!! WOOOOOO!!!”

“Aw man, this is SWEET, bro!”

“Didn’t I tell you this was the best job ever?”

“Woah, dude!  We get to watch this everyday and then get rubbed allover her body?  I can’t believe we get paid to do this!”

“Yeah, it’s alright.  I just wish it had a vision plan.  My vision is getting kinda fuzzy from all the ogling…”